Young Rogue

uh..

it's ws raining all night..thought i'd send a message asking if hockey practice wud b cancelled..didn't.rained all morning..thought i'd get a coupla hrs sleep..didn't.dunno wht happend to hockey.first shopping then my friends going out.wntd to see ash..had no idea wht the whole outing ws abt till anothr friend askd the same..apparently we were celebrating new yrs.yah yah..i know..enterprising bunch rn't we.i jst cudn't care less..i'm THAT sleepy.i slept in class for crying out loud! and then in the car on the way home frm dinner so u can just see.there's no way i can wake up for the picnic so i'm skipping it..guess it's the univ. deal now.i knew i wudn't hv to make a choice..it's just been made for me. :D

why am i still up u say? coz there are guests around and i just dun kno..first at khala's, then at a lecture, in a car..and now with guests around? uh uh..i dun freakin' THINK so!! i'm keeping awake evn if it kills me!

"I'll get him for this if it takes my whole life." -Calvin

frozen in time..

it doesn't show but my family's in such a bad way.my dad doesn't hv a job and we've eaten up our reserves ovr time.small stuff..i hvn't had cash in 4 months now.my mobile ws dead for weeks.my university fees got delayd.we hv to b careful not to ask for stuff.the phone got disconnectd..and now the net too.i know it's working right now but only coz they think we'll pay soon.i cud go to the school reunion if i really wntd to but it's at an expensive restaurant and i don't wnt to ask mom for cash.i'm not complaining..i know there are ppl who are a LOT worse off but it's just tht..nm.i guess i'll be using the university net now.

i scrwed up my finance test.i've been getting good marks in evrything else..but i'm not worried abt evrything else.finance is going to b ths quarter's calculus for me.i dun wnt anothr B-.my gpa works out to 3.37 which i'm told is good but i dunno.the B- rankles.

i wish akshay's uncle wud get better..he seemed really really worried.i can't evn imagine wht he's going thru.i've nevr been around really sick ppl.i remember bits and pieces in my life when my mom or dad weren't well and how scard i got but tht is it.thnkfully it nevr lastd long.hospital stay-ovrs are alien to me and i hope it always stays tht way.as much as i'd like to, i can't help aks but i did pray for his uncle.illnesses are just horrid.they make u feel so helpless..u hv to trust the doctors and just wait.hate tht.just remembering wht my mami sed.moments in time..

i kno ths entry doesn't connect in neway.i just wrote whtevr came into my head.dunno if tht's good or bad..

"The best presents don't come in boxes." -Hobbes

random thought

A tide of sorrow,
Breaking through my walls,
A sea of disaster determined to break me.
But i'll live,
I don't fall so easy.
Try your best,
I don't give up so easy.
When the lights go down,
And there's nothing you can see,
I'll be here watching on..
I don't fall so easy.

really didn't edit tht..

ps: might downsize the font..likd it tht way.

tsunami

Tsunami is a Japanese word with the English translation, "harbor wave." to know more abt the dynamics behind ths force visit:http://wcatwc.gov/physics.htm" title="http://wcatwc.gov/physics.htm" target="_blank"http://wcatwc.gov/physics.htm... and http://www.geophys.washington.edu/tsunami/general/physi cs/physics.htmlsouthern" title="http://www.geophys.washington.edu/tsunami/general/physi cs/physics.htmlsouthern" target="_blank"http://www.geophys.washington...

The world's most powerful earthquake in more than 40 years struck deep under the Indian Ocean off the west coast of Sumatra, triggering massive tsunamis that obliterated villages and seaside resorts in six countries across southern and Southeast Asia.
Tourists, fishermen, homes and cars were swept away by walls of water that rolled across the Bay of Bengal, unleashed by the 9-magnitude quake (making it the fourth largest earthquake since 1899).
The catastrophic death toll in Asia caused by a massive tsunami might have been reduced had India and Sri Lanka been part of an international warning system designed to warn coastal communities about potentially deadly waves, scientists say.source:http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2004/tsunami .disaster" title="http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2004/tsunami .disaster" target="_blank"http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2...

In the two hours following yesterday's earthquake, there were 25 aftershocks, the U.S. Geological Survey reported.
Aftershocks may continue for ``weeks rather than days because it's such a major event,'' said Vasily Titov, a tsunami research scientist at the U.S. Government's National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration.source:http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=1000008 0&" title="http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=1000008 0&" target="_blank"http://www.bloomberg.com/apps...;sid=ah_7_.inN._I&refer=asia

Asian tsunami toll now over 140000(edited) with millions displaced and thousands injured as earthquake creates 40-foot waves.Some areas effected:sri lanka, india, indonesia and thailand wid sri lanka hit hardest.for updates see:http://news.google.com" title="http://news.google.com" target="_blank"http://news.google.com

for tsunami disaster pics see:http://abcnews.go.com/International/popup?i d=362527" title="http://abcnews.go.com/International/popup?i d=362527" target="_blank"http://abcnews.go.com/Interna...

With my net connection being wht it is it took me hrs to get ths post up.I honestly dun know why I keep at it..

ps:i've upped the font a bit so i hope its not so unreadable now..tht's all i can do for now i'm afraid.take care.

sky

its 7am and the sky is so absolutely pretty!! its all pink and blue..and i just can't describe it.i just wish so much i had a roll of film..evn thou my camera is crappy and it wudn't hv come our right newayz..lol! god..the things tht get me all smiling and goofy.since i'm indulging in procastination again i filled a quiz-

i am not : alone
i love : chocolates, animals, music, friends, travelling, movies, life
i hate : hypocrisy, back-stabbers, liars, animal-cruelty, fights, whiners, smoking
i fear : being dependant, alone
i know: i'll make it
i hope : hate dies
i hear : wht u say..sometimes
i regret : nothing
i cry : never
i care : abt my family and friends
i believe : in me
i feel alone: almost nevr
i hide : tht i care
i sing : wen i wnt to
i dance : wen i'm happy
i write : bongis.lol.
i miss : ani
i search: for freedom
i dont know: wht i'll do next
i talk : a LOT
i succeed : most times
i fail : wen i dun care
i dream : a lot
i wonder: wht the world is coming to
i want : my dreams to come true
i have : a lot to be grateful for
i fell : -
i hurt : wen ur angry or i'm neglectd
i tell: seemingly a lot but not all
i like : who i am..lol
i cant : be wht i'm not
if only i : knew how to hack
i know : a lot tht u may nevr learn
i do : wht i wnt most times
i feel : deeply
i drool: at the sight of chocolates
i think : ur problems are worth zilch
i wish : ppl wud care more

sky normal now..lol.

crazy..

the mehndi..well it wsn't like a mehndi.it ws extravagant but tasteless.kind of nice seeing mom's family though..pathans are such good-lookers.
dropped in on the dance party.arq ws surprised.it ws 12:30 so not tht many ppl around..just 2 girls i think which is why all the guys tried stopping us frm leaving.i say tht is the only reason coz we were looking so..ahem..out of place.u just dun get up frm a wedding function and walk into a disco.and then az actd so paindoo (silly)..we were just laughing abt it.sochte hon ge becharian..style to hai hi nahin upar se harkatein bhi aala.pata nahin kya patian parhaeen hui hain inko..shyt.chalo hamein kya..arq ki hi rep effect ho gi.samjhata phiray ga.it ws a succes waise.and the bike ws fit..lol.try figuring tht out.jal/ep/jawad ka concert suna sarela tha so tht made me feel a lot better abt the mehndi deal.on the downside my assignment is..er..not done.hmm..still thinking how to deal wid tht.apun ki hoti to koi masla hi nahin tha par jab group ka lafra aa jata hai na..

sry i've used a lot of urdu in there but wenever i come frm hanging out wid my cuzins i just can't help writing like tht..and i've been around them 3 days straight now so..thora effect to hona hi tha..there i go again.ignore me fer a couple of days.today ws nothing compared to wht next saturday is gonna be like.why why why?why does evrything hv to happen all at once?and i thought only february ws crazy.

oh yeah!!

just learned how to password protect my blogs...useless info. now thou.also learned tht i'm on the hotblogs list..only at 78 but it still means something to me.downside is tht it indicates just how much time i've been wasting here.oh well..it can't last much longer neways..not if i'm to stop procrastinating tht is..lol.
~mi vida loca~
(my life is crazy)

Cute!

i ws feeling slightly queasy yesterday frm all the work..and my friends thought coz i ws grinning around i ws soo farigh!! lol.
the hockey meeting had the usual turn-up.stupid girls.if tht's their attitude maybe it wudn't be so bad if the team did get dissolved.
wnted to crash soon as i got home coz i'd kept up the night b4 studying but then i heard my cousins were in the city and i just had to see them..evn thou they were supposed to spend saturday at our house nehow.they're so sweet..i mean they had to go to isloo but insistd on dropping in here like they did last yr..they're just so attatched to ths city.
okay one thing-divorce if u must but nevr separate ur kids frm the othr family..tht's cruel okay.nevr do it.
ths cartoon is so cute..it reminds me of subi's bila..gosh tht cat is something.
gtg to my grandmother's now..ciao!

ugh..incompetant dodos..

he cud've atLEAST kept a couple of practise sessions!! its ALL his fault..god..GOD..argghhh!! i so feel like squishing him out..!! am i the only one who cud see ths coming?!? 

hmm..after 30 minutes of pacing i'm finally starting to chill.so ths is the week frm hell..so wht? i've been here b4..maybe..no u CANNOT think like tht..u can do it..really u can..sheesh..

~dum de dum dum~

schedule
R23:assignment
F24:test,cousins gt
S25:cousins gt,grandparent's wedding anniversary
S26:mehndi,dance party,jal/ep concert
M27:fin. assignment
T28:shaadi,quiz
W29:fin. test,chothi
R30:assignment,quiz,school reunion
F31:test,test,assignment, hockey match,dinner,new year's wid friends 
S1:khewra picnic,pizza party,welcome party,car racing
S2:possible friends gt
M3:assignment*3

dun kno where to add work hrs..they close at 5 and dun open on weekends so i'm falling behind.somewhere there'll be a gt coz my friends are here frm canada and italy fer their winter vacations.there's anothr gt too wid othr friends.and hockey may start soon.by the time all ths is ovr there'll b hardly a week b4 mids...i wntd to go to murree.hota hai..still hv to work around the dates so tht i can actually plan evrything.cousins here frm khi..dunno abt the othr family..wish they'd get here too..or not..too many things.

~
'Did you know that "if" is the middle word in life?'-Apocalypse Now
and as someone told me the word 'impossible' itself sez 'i'm possible'.something to think abt..lol.
~

blood..gone..*sob*

i donated blood today..*big grin*..okay okay no big deal but i'm scared of needles remember? the fear constricted it and the needle wudn't go in and the blood wudn't come out and it hurt like hell....they had to use the other arm too then to fill it up..lolz..only wid me :|
not bad thou..mind u i dun like it but i'll do it again.

hotmail seems to be okay now..lol..the things tht my friends get me thinking abt..i shud get some NORMAL e-pals..hackers and computer crazies..sheesh! tip: if it still dun work use outlook to open it..*shakes her head*....it wsn't me!!

got to talk to my friends today..i know tht sounds weird but i can't help it..its not tht they're not around but we hv different classes and in b/w i work so..newayz it ws nice.the media lecture too.

swades sux..i'm sorry but it does..nice messages dun make nice films.

and i hate ths post..trying to figure out why..oh whtevr..i dun care..hehe..ur the dope who's readin' it..*looks at u innocently*

    & nbsp;   &n bsp; 

---

new hotmail

ck out ths page:http://www.msn.co.uk/newhotma...

fer those of u (like me) who can nevr be bothered to click apparently the 'new hotmail' is here.they've started new @hotmail.co.uk domain names so u can get ne name u wnt and evn switch here frm ur old one.and oh yeah they claim tht existing accounts will b automatically upgrad ed to 250MB while new ones will start out wid 25MB and within 30 days they'll be upped to&nbs p;250MB.waise these days some ppl are hving trouble getting access to their inboxes..like i did today..so these words on the above site really cracked me up:'MSN Hotmail boasts service redundancy and infrastructure dependability. This means that it is reliable and stable. So when you want to check your email you can.'
muahaha..lolz.

u know just fer research purposes if some hotmail users are reading ths cud u please tell me if u can access ur inbox? if so is it still at 2MB?

btw othr country-specific addresses are also on the table particualrly for France, Germany, Italy and Japan.courtesy:http://news.zdnet.co.uk/inter...,39020372,39174606,00.htm

ciao.

hotmail..ew!

net addict

yaar kya jee..ths net thing is really addictive na..now where did the masla start..haan aks..baat karni thi 20 minute ki aur ho gayi do ghante ki..arghh..abhi maloom para..is bande ko to block maarna chahiye.phir ani..chal uss ko to aaj ke aaj block maara hai..rehta hai ke nahin maloom nahi par iraada thos hai..banda bheja khaata hai na!!phir sarela mood..ghalti se bata diya..acha khaasa time barbaad hua.upar se orkut..bemaari hai baap..(waise record-break karne pe pizza mil rahela hai aur apun ko khabar hi nahin..hota hai hota hai..lekin mere saath hi kyun?!?) aur ab idhar..blogging kya kise se kam hai..achee khasee phasee hoon..
kal nahin yeh honga..kasam se..hadd hoti hai!!

ps:im not really addicted to the net (no..seriously :|).aaj kal bas na..pehle html aur customization aur fazooliat ka josh chara..aur phir aaj ka din..thori emotional ho gayi..bas.

..

disabled right-click

i learned some interesting shyt today..u know how some ppl disable right-click on blogs and websites? well i'm trying evrything wid my othr blog aise hi to learn and i discovered tht its really a crappy way to protect source-code or evn images and text for tht matter.supposedly <airquotes>experts& lt;/airqoutes> will always find a way around tht.

disabled right-click is annoying..boy do i evr know tht esp. since i hv a habit of using right-click to open sites in new windows..then there ws the time wen we were time-pressed fer a presentation and ths stupid site ws right-click disabled so one of my partners had to type it all out..

now ths is fer them all ppl who hv had the text prob. at ne rate..

'If they want your source code then it's as simple as selecting 'view source' from the main menu. Article text can be highlighted and copied, images and media presentations can be retrieved from the cache, and streaming media can be recorded.'-courtesy http://www.sitepoint.com/article/dont-disable- right-click" title="http://www.sitepoint.com/article/dont-disable- right-click" target="_blank"http://www.sitepoint.com/arti...

yeah its as simple as tht..*rolls eyes*..ck out the article and links fer more details (yeah it has details..wht-do-ya-expect..e.g if u kno how to u can encrypt the source code and most users won't know how to make sense of it..more blah blah).

still..hey evn wid the net being a share-all world in the end its still UR blog and UR site so do wht u wanna and screw the rest..cheerios.

numb..

i've become so numb..no tht's not really true..it still effects me and its damnable coz after all these yrs i shud be numb u know..i wish i cud be or do i? do i really wnt to become so immune? no its definitely better ths way..dun like being weak..revenge..yeah tht's the way to go abt it..just let me go my way and i'll show those creeps wht happens wen u come onto my family..all i need is time..and patience..i know i say i dun hv it, but wen it comes right down to it i got tons of patience..and i dun forget.

learnt a lot waise..thnk u..u ppl made me stronger.

It does exist..

Real love is unconditional, it means letting go, sacrifice and not putting up a show of it. True love, even if spurned, not returned, does not cause pain, it is just a gentle understanding of the other's needs. (-- AWK).

got tht off here:http://somedesi.blogspot.com" title="http://somedesi.blogspot.com" target="_blank"http://somedesi.blogspot.com

mushiness aside..10 indian students from IIM-C will be coming as part of a cultural exchange program next week.their tentative schedule is just too good some days..they'll be going to cuckoos, there's a session will Imran Khan, a TV shooting, a play and a concert and bonfire along with the mandatory tour of the city and shopping..lucky sods.

nehow, gotta..u know..study now..

bah!

i hate it wen friends play the 'do ths fer me' card..i mean who the hell are u? if something is wrong its just plain wrong and i'm not don't tht for noone and u can just rot fer evn asking me.so there.

customization :|

i spent yesterday customizing one of my othr blogs.the idea ws to to bckup my entries here coz a lot of tbloggers hv been saying tht they lost their february archives..dunno if tht's true or not but my guess is i just needed an excuse to tweak my settings.i used a template, unlike here, but the trouble wid non-original blogger templates is tht they still need a lot of work so i had to get the comments enabled, permalinks up, archives enabled and get the links and othr odds and ends in shape.i'm still working on it and well..it isn't tht fancy or nething but i wud love it if u wud check it out and tell me how it looks and sign the guest book..pwease?lol.

the add. is http://wild1.blogspot.com" title="http://wild1.blogspot.com" target="_blank"http://wild1.blogspot.com.

Dreamer of Dreams

Old dreams, buried and forgotten
Dig them up, wipe off the dirt
Journey once more to that time in the past
When faith was young and your heart believed
Dancer on moonlight, pirate of the seas
What you wanted you could be
Why then did you change, O Dreamer of Dreams?
How now you pine for laughter and joy
Things all your power and wealth can't buy
You have to understand,
Dreams are not just a waste of time
A loser's cushion, a thing to flout
You have to start somewhere, dreams do more:
Desire for the object of your dreams keeps you moving on.
Hope, too, is something not to be shelved
Realism is nice but faith gives you strength
So blow off the dust from your old dreams
Bury hurt, profit from setbacks, do not resent.
Time and trust are great healers
Believe and you will be free.

just watched musafir..it ws okay i guess thou they did blend in some scenes frm english movies.dun like the swades soundtrack..too soft and unoriginal.

maybe..

i'm thinking a little insecurity can go a long way.bridget jones..bah!

a google employee came around to give a presentation last friday.t'was amazing.cudn't leave.comm. skills ws hilarious.missed the culture meeting.wnted to go so bad.wonder if i can still get in.

dun feel like blogging nemore..not unnatural i guess.will try.its make or break time.

song:Faith by G.M.

blood camp

Hate?

i am SO dead!!

i am SO dead!!
*sniff*
kamoo sed the guy looked leniant and i went like no way in HELL is tht guy leniant and i'm sad to say tht like..ahem..always (really!!lol),i ws right..
i am SO failing ths course..i cud just see evrything he sed flying ovr my head *whoosh*..it ws BAD.he sed straight out he meant fer the course to b fer juniors and seniors and he put a cap on freshies and sophs as soon as he cud but little-miss-on-time-tht's -me-u-dope still got in.according to him if we're dumb enuff to keep the course we are so gonna b in trouble coz he's prepared some nasty surprises fer the seniors and he won't hang abt teaching kiddies (well tht wsn't HOW he sed it but the facts are the same :|)
*anothr supressed sniffle*
i cud u kno..drop it and take say human behavior or something completely useless of the sort..but i dunno why the idea of bcking out doesn't appeal to me..besides i'll hv to take it someday..god i dun evn sound convincing to myself!!it's all kamoo's fault..the pessimistic lil' scaredy cat..arghh!!she'll reduce me to her state one day and tht's the worse kind of evil i tell ya..calvin sed so!!lol.
humph..i'll stay..i guess..(aside:i am SO doomed..no..u can't think like tht..!!somebody help me!!!!!!!)

ooh waise i saw the grades of 2 subjects today and i got B+ in CS and A- in compo.i dun like my CS grade much but it's okay i guess.i lost out in compo. coz of CP and wel..my damned group partners who like totally screwed up our presentation..oh wel.i'll try out for TA one of these dayz.hmm..i seem to hv gotten above mean in all my econ. tests and shyt so tht'll b atLEAST anothr B+ but i kinda wish my maths paper wud get lost somehow.. :|

yeah yeah..

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Anything you don't bold is false.

01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I love psychodelic mushrooms.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I have loads of books.
06. I once slept in a toilet.
07. I love playing video games.
08. I adore marijuana.
09. I watch porn movies.
10. I watch them with my father.
11. I like sharks.
12. I love spiders.
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair.
14. I like George Bush.
15. People are cool..
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year..
17. I have jacuzzi and a Porsche.
18. I have a lot to learn..
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself.
20. I'm really really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones..
22.I have a secret..
23. I hate snow.
25. Punk rock rules..
26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food..
28. I would hate to be famous.
29. I am not a morning person..
30. I wear glasses.
31. I don't need glasses, except sunglasses..
32. I have potential.
33. I'm pure Japanese..
34. My legs are two different sizes.
35. I have a twin.
36. I wear a padded bra. Yes..yes thats why my breasts look bigger
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing..
38. I'm left-handed..
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them.
40. I don't like horror movies.
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway..
42. People hate me usually..
43. I love pop music..
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight..
45. I hate parking fines.
46. I know the National Anthem of my country by heart.
47. I know more than two languages...
48. I spend too much time on my computer..
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window...
50. I live on a ground floor.
51. I don't like chocolate.
52. I'd like to be more original.
53. I've lied.
54. Cocks are my favorite birds.
55. I want to conquer the world.
56. I wonder what happens when you die..
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter.
58. Eat your dog!
59. I love to exercise.
60. I hate chemistry
61. I love to write..
62. I like changes.
63. I hate going to class.
64. I am afraid to die.
65. I hate dish washing.
66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly.
67. My nails are nine inch long.
68. My favorite color is black..
69. I like to sleep on the floor..
70. I am hopeless at cooking.
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little..
72. I should be doing something else rather than writing this.
73. I am online a lot.
74. I hate government.
75. I don't have a boyfriend.
76. I'm too nice for my own good.
77. I love to read.
78. I don't trust newspapers.
79. I like debating.
80. I live in a lagoon.
81. I clean my room once a month..
82. I'm scared of american fast food.
83. I am prying open my third eye.
84. I love Mozambique.
85. I don't trust any religion.
86. I used to play with barbies.
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little..
88. I like listening to wind chimes.
89. I'm very disorganized..
90. My hair is long and straight.
91. I earn a lot.
92. I don't like spicy food.
93. I keep a diary..
94. I can't do cartwheels.
95. I am very lazy.
96. I'm sarcastic.
97. I think my hair is annoying.
98. I am very sensitive.
99. I love being abnormal.
100. My left eye is violet and my right eye is a light blue.

i filched ths off someone's blog but i can't remember who's..oh well.

Dum spiro, spero

That's me!!Welcome to the life of an over-worked, under-appreciated university student..*grins*
My second quarter starts frm tomorrow..i kno..big bummer but i'm sure i'll weather it..barely ofcourse..*another big grin*

On anothr note, i seem to hv discovered a hidden cache of blogs written by ppl i seem to kno one way or anothr..and its kinda cool.they write differently frm the stuff i see on tblog here which brings us to anothr facet of blogging..keeping in touch wid friends.
me..i'll always take the anonymity and freedom of thought..well a little neway..ovr tht kind of blogging althou there hv been times wen i've thought abt giving out my blog..just thought mind u.only actually gave it out once under pressure (read emotional-ugh-blackmailin g) and made the bloke promise nevr to access it again the next day.if he did..then well there are ways of dealing wid promise-breakers..:twisted:
hmm..i've read such long blog entries today some of tht state seems to hv rubbed off on me.i mite just post an entry on the different ways ppl use blogging later sometime.

Chal signing off now.

ps:the topic translates to 'While i breathe, i hope'.i picked it up off an article i read abt 'Tookie'.tht wud b a guy on death row who founded Crips, one of the world's deadliest gangs (Crips now comprises of 150,000 members..5000 lives hv been lost due to their raging gang rivalry wid the Bloods, anothr LA gang) but who's been nominated 4 times for the noble peace prize and is a strong contender for a 5th nomination.intrigued?naah i won't tell u..if u dun kno but wnt to, find out why fer urself..google has some good links and there's a movie out called Redemption:The Stan Tookie Williams Story.the guy seems to b doing some good out there.

Confessions

CONFESSIONS
Be careful who you open your heart to
Be careful to whom you reveal your fears
Know that they care
Know that they know what's important to you and what's not
Know who you are talking to before you expose yourself..
And lay your soul bare.


-its one yr today.

THE BLADE

THE BLADE
Have you ever felt pain so strong,
That it felt like a bullet had gone through you and come out the other side?
So that it felt like someone had ripped your guts out and left you to bleed?
Have you ever had someone's words cut so deep,
That you just had to to leave, try to escape from something that even then you believed to be unescapable?
That you had to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as you could pretend that distance would fill the whole in your heart?
Has anyone ever brought you to a peak,
And then brought you so low that you felt the hurt of it all like a physical pain?
Has anyone ever scarred you for life,
So that even though years have passed you still remember how it ended and feel the ache?
Words are like knives,
Used the wrong way they always wound,
But the wound is always deeper and more fatal when the handle if the blade is held by someone you love and trust.
Have you ever been stabbed by such a blade?
Have you?

i wrote ths as a memory to a past pain.it ws sometime bck but..ahem..i think i might hv exaggerated the feeling somewht.

Diary of a suicide..

DIARY OF A SUICIDE
Going down,
Noone to talk to.
Feeling lost,
Noone to find me.
Needing help,
Noone to listen.
Sought through the night,
For anyone to listen.

How the feeling grows,
The desperation.
Wanna go,
The exasperation.
Leaving's tough,
Don't know where I'm going.
Moving on,
Don't know where I've been.

Trying to be free,
Noone to unchain me.
Giving up,
Everyone just fails me.
The deed is done,
Noone to hate me.
Sought in vain..
For anyone to save me.

slept early yesterday so woke up at 7..i nevr wake up at 7 in holidays so tht ws a first.really hv nothing to write so i've put up anothr poem..it's not good but whtevr.

interesting..

ajeeb masla hai..me no like role of shoulder-to-cry on.acha khasa pataya tha.and i ws so proud of myself too..*looks into the distance*..but nooooooo she cudn't let it be..and all my expectations of overnight, somehow-been-transformed into a patient, good-little sounding box evaporated wid the next IM..my smooth flow had been interrupted..my perception had changed (esp. since i had left 5 minutes ago sure tht i had conquered her gloom)..and i just cudn't bear it ne more..*wretched sob* (sympathy cue ppl!)..yes u guessed it..i ws going back..back towards my old impatient, get-out-of-it-already-wil l-ya attitude..not wnting to but still being hopelessly pulled into the old charade of casual indifference and sometimes-but-not-always- useful condescension..
dun get me wrong me..please dun get me wrong..i cudn't bear tht.i tried..i really did...but i'm sure she noticed..the change..

oh well! shyt happens~8)

ps:ths is wht comes after staying up all nite reading..of all things..Rebecca.fair warning..

help!!

i slept 16 hrs yesterday coz i didn't set the alarm rite..which is bad considering i shud've woken up nehow..
now to my problem..how the hell am i supposed to sleep tonite?!?

On the inside..

It's messed up a lot and I can't figure out wht it is exactly..mayb something b/w a poem and song lyrics..but I wrote it. 

ON THE INSIDE
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
What I'm not on the inside
What I can never feel
Your expectations are driving me away
Feeding the hatred
Fueling the need to be me

Yet stuck in your own interpretations of how I should behave
You are too blind to see how your attitudes are affecting me
I feel like I don't know the difference
Between what's right and what's wrong anymore
It's like I'm always stuck in the middle
Not knowing which way to turn
Your influence has clouded my judgement
And now I just want to go home, cause

I'm sick of being what you want me to be
What I'm not on the inside
What can never make me complete
Your expectations are pushing me over the edge
Feeding the hatred
Fueling the need to be free

You've got a hold on me that's more than a little hard to break
Whichever way I turn your mocking eyes are before my face
And I need to get away before I go completely insane
Before I lose my identity, my sense of who I am

When I compare how I act to how I feel inside
I feel like a hypocrite holding the world off with a screen
A mere reflection of who I really am inside
It is at times like these that I know myself for the pretender I am
The pretender you helped me become.

Now unable to resurface, drowning under the weight of lies
I lose control and flounder in a sea of deceit
If this goes on much longer I'll never be able to escape from your ways
Humbly following I'll forever be bound to your faith
So I'm changing me now, I'm leaving you behind

And for once I'm going to be who I am and not who you want me to be
For once I'm going to control my life and not just follow your lead, cause
I'm tired of being who you want me to be
What I'm not on the inside
What I can never feel

hv fun.peace out~

fight